Monthly Archives: March 2013

Understanding Women in Relationships – Do Opposites Attract?

When it comes to understanding women in relationships, one of the oldest debates (even older that those ancient beer commercials arguing between “less filling” and “tastes great”) is the debate about whether opposites attract.

Many people recommend that you find a mate who has a lot in common with you … the buzzword here is “compatibility”. You may have even seen quizzes in magazines or on the internet that purport to evaluate this: “How compatible are you and your mate?”

Why might that be a plus? One reason is that you’re likely to have fewer things to fight over. And if you’re a guy who has been in relationships, you’ll quickly decide that this is the preferred outcome. Most of us guys hate to fight, especially with women.

On the other hand, many people instead advise that “Opposites attract.” The buzzword there is that “complementary” relationships work best. That is, the two of you have sets of traits which differ from but complement (rather that match) each other’s traits.

Perhaps you’re introverted and she’s extroverted? Perhaps you’re very well organized and she’s much more prone to just “winging it”? Perhaps you’re very good at managing money and she isn’t?

At first glance, at least, that sounds logical. It’s the same way football teams approach the college draft each year: they look for strengths that will cover their existing areas of weakness. That’s the way to build a stronger football team, after all. And aren’t couples also supposed to be “a team”?

So, which is the better relationship philosophy? Each approach has some merits: it is easier to get along with people who are similar to us but we also need some differences to keep boredom from setting in too easily.

However, “Mother Nature” has already taken care of this: if you’re heterosexual, almost any woman out there will be very different from you in so many ways. Of course, most women try to hide some of those differences in the earlier stages of a relationship in an effort to get you to like them more and to stay with them. But once you’re married and the honeymoon phase has ended, you’re unlikely to conclude that your wife’s traits are just too similar to your own.

Just the reverse is the more common result: you’ll probably lament that your wife isn’t a lot more similar in her perspectives and outlook to your own.

So, opposites do attract. But if you’re a man and she’s a woman, that problem is largely solved by the way we and they have been designed. Therefore, the most fruitful strategy for most guys is to focus on finding a woman with whom you’re exceptionally compatible.

If you’re looking for a one-stand, then compatibility is not nearly as much of a concern. But if you do hope to be happily married, then compatibility becomes absolutely crucial. Staying together with one woman “until death do you part” will seem an eternity to you if you don’t get along extremely well with her.

Therefore, understanding women in relationships well enough to “go the distance” with one – and enjoy the ride – means understanding the need to make compatibility your highest priority.

Article Source:

Understanding Women in Relationships – “Female Logic 101” For Men

Understanding women in relationships starts from one simple premise: Women really are different from us. Sure, you knew that already. But you’ll often be puzzled by women, since many of those differences make no sense to us men. And if you’re like most guys, you’ll just chalk it up to women being “irrational”. But because you don’t understand female logic, you are likely to assume they don’t apply any logic at all … and this means you’ll only continue to get blindsided by women’s “irrationality”.

There’s no need to suffer that way. Women actually are logical and predictable – but only if you learn how their minds work. Allow us to explain … We’ve written elsewhere how women often intentionally provoke male anger by testing men, and about how bizarre this strategy usually seems to men. To men, anger is a bad thing.

If a woman is angry, it can mean no sex.
And if another man is angry, it can mean you being on the receiving end of physical violence.

Those aren’t good outcomes. But to a woman, your anger means that she matters to you. And to a woman, that is a good thing. Think about it: you get upset only about things that are important to you. If the big game gets pre-empted on TV by a political debate, you’re livid. But if a documentary on the Philips-head screwdrivers gets pre-empted, it wouldn’t trouble you much.

That’s one basic difference between male and female minds:

To a man, it’s the direction of another’s feelings that is more important.
To a woman, it’s the intensity of another’s feelings that is more important.

That’s why women goad us: they want an intense reaction. The more intense your anger is, the more she knows that she does matter to you. That’s music to her ears. Let’s apply this lesson to a real life situation you might have faced: you’re dating a woman and you’re sleeping with her. Then one day, she announces that she’s leaving – she’s no longer “in love” with you. And the sex is over. If you’re like most guys, you’ll panic and try every approach you can think of to get her back in your life (and bed). But if she won’t budge, you’ll eventually realize that it really is over.

What then?

You may explode in anger. You’ll point out that she’s not all that great herself. You’ll rattle off a list of her faults. You’ll call all sorts of choice names. Your goal is partly to salvage your pride. Her dumping you means that she thinks she’s hotter than you are and that she can do better. So you’ll attempt to correct those mis-impressions. But your goal is mostly to hurt her. She hurt you and now you want revenge. That’s why you’ll call her all those bad names: to cause her pain. But unfortunately this strategy backfires. You’ll inadvertently boost her ego instead. How can that be?

Your angry outburst tells her that she’s still extremely desirable and you worship the ground she walks on. In fact, she’ll court more verbal abuse from you because the initial dose was so emotionally rewarding for her. That’s why most former girlfriends or ex-wives call you again to “touch base” some time later: to discover if you’re still angry with her. And if you are, that’s more ego strokes for her.

To a woman, love and hate are two sides of the same coin. They both mean that she matters to you, and to a woman:

The opposite of love is not hate: it’s indifference.

Attraction and Relationships – Is it True That Behind Every Successful Man Stands a Woman? Part 1

In the ever-dynamic world of attraction and relationships, there’s an old cliché which claims that, “Behind every successful man stands a woman.”

Many women enjoy making this statement. Partly their goal is to deflect attention from the fact that he goes out and achieves great things while she may spend a big chunk of her day at the salon or at the Racket Club being tutored by “Guido” on her backhand.

But interestingly enough, we’ve never heard a man make that statement except when running for public office and pandering to get elected. Most successful men know better. We sometimes achieve great things and thus we create wealth, but our wives subsequently spend much of it.

Notwithstanding the fact that men work more and therefore earn more, women still account for roughly 80% of all discretionary spending. In other words, men earn most of the money and women spend most of it.

That’s teamwork?

Of course not. But on a deeper level, there actually is an element of truth to a woman standing behind every successful man. It relates to what’s called “the killer instinct” in nature: the willingness to set aside your state of mind and inner feelings to achieve a specific and very challenging goal.

Men who can’t do this will often end up moderately successful. They may reach lower, or (if technically sharp) even middle management. And to the average woman who can’t do better, they make fairly good catches. But the odds of men like this getting all the way to the top are slim, whether it’s in politics, business, or romance. They’re unwilling to do whatever it takes to meet that organization’s goals.

Instead they want to be liked. And because they’re compassionate, they balk at making the cold decisions that could benefit the organization at the expense of many loyal long-time employees and the community. And for that reason, the organization will give the most senior slots to men who don’t have those same qualms.

But it’s not enough to be cunning and ruthless. The real trick is to seem likable at the same time. Many politicians and business leaders are able to blend both talents. They’re wolves in sheep’s clothing. But very few guys are that ruthless by nature. Most of us are nice guys.

And that’s where women come in. We may not be cold, calculating or ruthless. But, women can summon up those qualities more easily than you might realize. Many women are extremely competitive, but most have also mastered the skill of seeming likable and so most men don’t realize (unless they’ve been to Divorce Court) just how cold, calculating, and ruthless women can be.

Guys who actually have the killer instinct tend to attract lots of women. But there are not enough of those guys to meet the female demand. So women do the next best thing: they develop their own “killer” man in-house. They find and marry a very smart, talented guy with a solid education and then proceed to hone his killer instinct.


Understanding Women in Relationships – Why You Should Avoid Prosperous Women

Understanding women in relationships is both a simple and sophisticated topic. Let’s start with the simple stuff:

A woman who needs a man will go out and find the best man she can get and win his heart.
She’ll make it happen, even if she has to compromise a bit here and there in terms of her “ideal”.
And once she has you, she’s more likely to hang on to you.

That doesn’t mean she’ll never fight with you, of course – just the opposite! But she’ll be more likely to remain with you once each fight has ended if she truly needs you.

In contrast, a woman who merely wants a man will be very picky. She’s in no rush to close the deal. She can take her time looking. And if she finds a good catch, she’ll often balk at closing the deal lest she miss a chance to find an even better prospect that might happen by next week or next month.

And if she does get a man and he fails to live up to her standards, she’ll start looking for his replacement pretty quickly.

Such women are effectively seeking perfection or something close to it. A woman like this might only be a 7 or a 5 or a 3 (and depreciating rapidly) in terms of her desirability to men, but she’ll still believe that she deserves a guy who is at least a 9. That’s the “man shortage” which so many women grumble about … the shortage of desirable men who are seeking much less desirable women. The hot guys are passing them over in favor of hotter women.

There are occasional books and articles in the press and Internet which examine the stresses that arise when a wife’s income exceeds that of her man. And it’s not a pretty picture, if you’re that guy.

And there also seem to be quite a few articles exploring the topic of “Where Have All the Good Men Gone?” These always explore the travails of thirty-something women who have seen it all and done it all, and who now grumble about why they can’t seem to find a husband. We can’t speak for you, but after reading those sorts of articles, we have no trouble at all imagining why those women might have been unable to close the deal.

In fact, each of those articles leads us to the same conclusion: If you’re looking for marital longevity, be very cautious about picking a woman who’s already prosperous. You’ll have a far tougher time holding on to her and far less fun spending time with her than if you pick out a woman of more modest means who’s actually willing to give as well as get.

In our experience, we’ve usually had the most fun (once out of the university and into a normal work environment) with women of modest means. That means waitresses, clerks, and the like.

We’ve had the least fun with the women who were prosperous (professionals, executives and managers. It wasn’t true 100% of the time, but the pattern held often enough that we took it into account when prospecting for “new talent”.

Keep that in mind when you’re hunting for your next partner around town. It’s never too late to begin improving your understanding of women in relationships.

About Mack Doppler:

Like so many other guys just learning about women, Mack was initially the classic “nice guy” and struck out consistently. But en route to earning degrees in Psychology and Business, he took a year off to work on the lighting for rock concerts in California and got his first taste (and quite a few additional servings) of “groupie sex”.

As you can imagine, that very enjoyable experience showed him a very different side of women that no one had ever told him about when he was growing up. It also broadened his thinking about women — including what they’ll do under the right circumstances.